Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"It doesn't surprise me that there's another woman. Of course, the fact that she's dead gives one pause."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

From Beyond (1986) dir. Stuart Gordon

Crawford Tillinghast: "It ate him - bit off his head...like a gingerbread man!

Diary Of A Bad Lad - coming to UK cinemas in 2007

Jonathan Williams as Producer 'Barry Lick' in "Diary Of A Bad Lad"

image courtesy of Pleased Sheep Productions

Congratulations to Sick Puppy friends Michael Booth (director) and Paul Gordon (D.O.P) on the news that their low-no budget UK indie film "Diary Of A Bad Lad" has been picked for UK distribution by Wysiwyg. You can see this tale of a desperate documentary filmmaker and the depths of depravity he's willing to sink to in order to get his film made, in early 2007. I met these two flan-loving reprobates at this year's Cannes Film Festival and I'm pleased to hear that things are going well for them. Aside from the completed "Diary Of A Bad Lad" they've also got another feature which they're shooting now - "Bar Stewards".

Check out both the film's website and also the Pleased Sheep Productions website for further updates and more details. Also - why not watch the trailer - here.

I-Mockery.com's Halloween Grab Bag - Halloween Candy Alternatives!

It's a little early, but it's important to start planning for that Sick Puppy time of the season early!
Clive has already promised that he'll be doing No. 24 this year. Now THERE's an image!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"It ate him - bit off his head...like a gingerbread man!

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Bulldog Drummond (1929) dir. F. Richard Jones

Colonel: "Pah! The eternal din in this club is an outrage! I ask you, wot?"
Algy Longworth: "You're perfectly right, Colonel. We ought to complain. Do you know that's the third spoon I've heard drop this month?"
Bulldog Drummond: "Spoons, my hat. I wish that somebody would throw a bomb and wake the place up."

The Sick Puppy Films website is...back online

After much screaming, wailing, and pleading to be released from the thumbscrews, those lovely IT people have fixed the Sick Puppy Films website. So - don't let their suffering be in vain - enjoy!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Pah! The eternal din in this club is an outrage! I ask you, wot?"
"You're perfectly right, Colonel. We ought to complain. Do you know that's the third spoon I've heard drop this month?"
"Spoons, my hat. I wish that somebody would throw a bomb and wake the place up."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Dead Man's Shoes (2004) dir. Shane Meadows

Richard: "You, you were supposed to be a monster - now I'm the f**king beast. There's blood on my hands, from what you made me do."

The Sick Puppy Films website is...sick

Our website: www.sickpuppyfilms.net is currently unavailable.

At this very second highly trained IT operators are working around the clock to get normal service resumed (well actually they're being tortured in the Sick Puppy dungeon until they get it working again, but the effect will be the same...).

Sick Puppy Clive


PS. This is my 100th post on blogger - do I get a special badge? Or a telegram from the Blog Queen?

PPS. I will complete my Frightfest 2006 reports in time, but due to work pressures the Frightfest stuff may have wait for a bit. But keep checking back as I will finish before the next Frightfest event - this Halloween.

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You, you were supposed to be a monster - now I'm the f**king beast. There's blood on my hands, from what you made me do."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Jaws: The Revenge (1987) dir: Joseph Sargent

Michael Brody: "I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy."

Welcome Back - Sick Puppy Steve!

To welcome back Steve from his honeymoon, we present:

Wedding Photos - Sick Puppy style!

Q. It's your wedding - you are the groom, and you and your best man Keith are pimped out in the best P.Diddy style gear complete with matching canes - what do you do?

A. Stage a mock light sabre duel of course!

Eeee...the force is strong in this 'n'.

Your powers have grown weak old man...

Keith: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your brother-in-law.

Steve: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

Keith: No. *I* am your brother-in-law.

Steve: No. No. That's not true. That's impossible.

Keith: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Steve: Nooooo! Nooooo!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy."

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Saw (2004) dir. James Wan

Dr. Lawrence Gordon: "He doesn't want us to cut through our chains! He wants us to cut through our feet!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"He doesn't want us to cut through our chains! He wants us to cut through our feet!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Revenge of Frankenstein (1958) dir. Terence Fisher

Legless Patient: "How can I do me dance without me legs?"
Slensky: "Got to learn to sing!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"How can I do me dance without me legs?"
"Got to learn to sing!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Terminator (1984) dir. James Cameron

Reece: "You still don't get it, do you? He'll find her. That's what he does. That's all he does! You can't stop him. He'll wade through you, reach down her throat, and pull her f**king heart out."

Frightfest Report #6

The Zone Horror Frightfest 2006

Saturday 26th August - Day Two - Afternoon

Back to the Odeon West End and it's time to meet up with a friend, fellow writer Frances Lynn (whose novel "Frantic" is out in paperback now). After saying our hellos, Frances collects her ticket and we move quickly into the cinema. Steve is very keen not to miss anything as apart from the "Snatching Time"/"Broken" screening tomorrow this will be the only Frightfest film he can make this year. Also, now we've both met "The Marsh" director Jordan Barker we're curious as to what his film will be like.

The only bad thing about the Frightfest filmmakers' networking lunch was that it necessitated missing both Nicholas Rucka's short "Out Of The Darkness" and the brilliantly titled "Earthings: Ugly Bags Of Mostly Water". Alexandre O. Philippe's documentary about the Klingon sub-set of Star Trek fans was certainly an interesting programming choice. It is probably the Frightfest 2006 film that's furthest away from the festival's core horror content.

It seems my neighbours share this opinion, as when I canvass their thoughts on "Earthings..." I find they all chose to give it a miss. Given that the Frightfest Forum gang were apparently off celebrating the birthday of one of their number it must have been a pretty de-populated screening. However, as "Earthlings..." is getting a UK cinema release and has already generated a fair amount of press, one underattended preview screening shouldn't damage its prospects.

Before "The Marsh", there is a screening of the ten finalists of the 2006 Zone Horror Cut! short film competition. I've already seen the top three films (which screened before "Severance"), but now's a chance to watch the others. Also, when the winner got his cheque on Thursday, the Zone Horror guy neglected to actually read out the name of the winning film, so I was left wondering which of the three won. Turns out it was "Kasting" - a deserving winner.

2006 Zone Horror Cut! short film competition finalists

10) "Hammer Falls", dir. Andrew Brady

9) "Torn Flesh" dir. Martin Bennett

8) "The Silent Scream" dir. Neil Thornton

7) "Natural Birthing" dir. Lawrence Axe and Slade Lamey

6) "A Very Grimm Fairytale" dir. Jahari

5) "The Collector" dir. Steve Simmons

4) "Plastic Reality (Curta Versao)" dir. Doctor Versluis

3) "The Fall Down" dir. Jake Kennedy

2) "Dead Wood" dir. David Bryant, Sebastian Smith and Richard Stiles

1) "Kasting" dir. Alyosha Saari

Apart from "Kasting" (which again demonstrated that often it's the simplest ideas that work the best) I enjoyed "Natural Birthing", "A Very Grimm Fairy Tale", "The Fall Down" and "Dead Wood" the most .

"Natural Birthing" had a nice voyeuristic creepiness to it, "A Very Grimm Fairy Tale" was blackly comic (although I did wonder about the possible psychological damage to its child star) and "The Fall Down" played like an extended movie trailer (maybe that's what it is - I don't know) and was very slickly done. "Dead Wood" wins the Sick Puppy prize for best end punchline, which elevated it above its clearly very low budget production values. I understand the "Dead Wood" creators are planning to expand it to a feature, so I wish them the best of luck.

I'm left feeling thankful that my short film "Snatching Time" won't be lost in a crowd of nine other films. After waiting patiently, Jordan Barker finally gets to introduce "The Marsh" and his background as a performer is very apparent. He's very relaxed and assured, especially given that his star Gabrielle Anwar (who was due to appear with him) wasn't able to make it. I hope I'm even one-tenth as relaxed when I introduce "Snatching Time" tomorrow".

"The Marsh" (2006) dir. Jordan Barker

[some spoilers]

Successful but mentally frail children's author Claire Holloway (Gabrielle Anwar) is plagued by nightmares involving a dead girl. She decides to go somewhere quiet where she can rest and work on her next book in peace. The small Canadian town of Marshville seems ideal, but once she's moved into her house on the edge of the marsh she starts getting deja vu - this is the house from her nightmares. Soon she's experiencing a full blown haunting. Rather than run away, she turns to local psychic Geoffrey Hunt (Forest Whitaker) for help in solving the supernatural mystery.

This is a real old school haunted house flick of the sort that the Hollywood studios still crank out every two or three years. It's a sub-genre which has stayed pretty much the same since the 1980s. When it's done well and with a good writer to twist the formula, you can get excellent results eg. David Koepp & Richard Matheson's work on "Stir Of Echoes". However, there is a danger of producing pedestrian or turgid retreads (see "The Haunting" remake (1999) - or rather don't, it's terrible) that make it seem like a very tired old chestnut indeed.

Sadly, "The Marsh" doesn't have any new toys to bring to the party. It is very slickly directed by Jordan Barker, but his style is somewhat anonymous. The CGI effects are well done and the actors (Forest Whitaker in particular) acquit themselves well enough. However, I watched this well crafted film with an increasing sense of having seen this all before. There is very little in here to surprise or shock, it is too smooth a ride for that. The only attempt at adding something new is the "Ju-On: The Grudge" style rules for the ghosts which means they can roam the marsh and the town at will rather than being restricted to the house. But the seemingly endless series of "Ju-On: The Grudge" sequels, remakes and remakes of sequels (or is it sequels of remakes?) have rather sucked the novelty out of these rules.

Now these would be minor quibbles if the traditional story of "The Marsh" worked. Unfortunately, it is hamstrung by one major problem - at no point in the story did I believe that Gabrielle Anwar's character was in danger of dying. Without that threat of death, there is no suspense and crucially no fear - this film is not scary. The story works well enough on a mystery level, but without that threat of death it's all so much puzzle-solving. Intellectually satisfying perhaps, but there's no emotional charge and no visceral thrills. This is horror on it's best behaviour: hair carefully parted and with a nice apple for teacher.

It may seem churlish to complain about an adequate chiller when we are subjected to so many dire remakes and sequels every year, but "The Marsh" just didn't do it for me. I didn't hate it, it was just disappointingly average. In the interest of balance though, it should be noted that Steve really enjoyed "The Marsh". So much so that he insisted on having his picture taken with Jordan (which you can see here).

After the screening I pick up my goodie bag and catch up with Frances in the bar to discuss the television series "Candy" she's writing with Stephen Lavers. Soon it's time for Steve and Frances to go and it's back to the cinema grindstone for me.

Next: WWE wrestler Kane shows off his 'acting chops' and don't call it "Open Water 2"...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You still don't get it, do you? He'll find her. That's what he does. That's all he does! You can't stop him. He'll wade through you, reach down her throat, and pull her f**king heart out."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Angels With Dirty Faces (1938) dir. Michael Curtiz

Soapy: "Hey! Call a fair game or I'll slap you right in the kisser!"
Rocky: "You'll slap me? You slap me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Hey! Call a fair game or I'll slap you right in the kisser!"
"You'll slap me? You slap me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."

[answer tomorrow]


Saturday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Starship Troopers (1997) dir. Paul Verhoeven

Dizzy: "My mother always told me that violence doesn't solve anything."
Rasczak: "Really? I wonder what the city founders of Hiroshima would have to say about that."

Frightfest Report #5

The Zone Horror Frightfest 2006

Saturday 26th August - Day Two

Morning, and the massed black-clad ranks of the weekend pass holders huddled outside the Odeon West End cinema suddenly recoil in horror. There are cries of alarm and screams as many scramble to pick up pitchforks and torches to defend themselves against the alien creature that has appeared amongst their ranks...What is this man-shaped monster? Erm, it's me actually. Yes - I've shaved. Yes - I'm actually wearing an ironed shirt. No - I'm not on a promise. It's the first ever Frightfest filmmakers' networking lunch today (after the "Isolation" Q&A), so I thought I'd make the effort to scrub up and present a professional front. I've also come armed with some swanky new business cards, emblazoned with the Sick Puppy Films logo. But before that: some Irish horror.

I know nothing about "Isolation", before director Billy O'Brien steps onto the stage to introduce his film, so I'm able to sit back and watch the film with no preconceptions.

"Isolation" (2005) dir. Billy O'Brien

[some spoilers]

Old Dan Reilly had a farm...ee-aye, ee-aye, ee-aye-oh...and on that farm he had some cows...

Something strange is happening on Dan Reilly's (John Lynch) farm. On the advice of old-flame and local vet Orla (Essie Davis), he has allowed scientist John (Marcel Iures) to genetically experiment with some of his cows. When one of these cows gives birth to a calf already pregnant with six hideously mutated babies, it's clear that this experiment has gone badly wrong. One of the mutants survives to feed on the other livestock, growing at an alarming rate. Soon the humans on the farm, including young couple on the run Jamie (Sean Harris) and Mary (Ruth Negga), find themselves in mortal danger. Not only from the mutant, but from one of their own who will do anything to prevent the spread of this contagion.

How do you make cows scary? Cows: vacant-eyed, cud-chewing, bovine milk machines on legs. Not scary. Mutant cows? Still not naturally scary; funny maybe, but not scary. You could have taken the same story as "Isolation" and treated it the way Jonathan King's "Black Sheep" (which has a similar - how do you make sheep scary? - problem) does. You could make a horror/comedy out of it. The fact that writer/director Billy O'Brien eschews this easier option and actually plays the material straight, deserves respect. That he actually succeeds in making cows scary deserves praise.

"Isolation" was a very pleasant surprise and a testament to Alan, Paul and Ian's willingness to programme all kinds of different horror films. It stood out from the Frightfest crowd because it was doing something different and doing it well. A lot of horror films have actors giving heightened or stylised performances. This isn't always a bad thing and suits the tone of many horrors, but "Isolation" has a quiet, compelling naturalism to its actors' performances. John Lynch leads the cast well and seems completely at home in the rural setting. The rest of the ensemble give equally assured performances. The naturalism of the acting is complemented by Robbie Ryan's moody cinematography and the verisimilitude of the farm setting.

From the opening cow foetus shock, through a slow assured build up of tension to the final nerve-shredding climax, this film gripped me. The decision to go down the "Jaws" route, and show very little of Bob Keen's nasty bone and gristle creation was an inspired one. The writer/director clearly believes that what you don't see is scarier than what you do see. The influences of "Alien" and the gynaecological body horror of David Cronenberg are clearly felt, but never get in the way of the story. This art-house horror film is a real find and I hope the fact that it maybe difficult to market doesn't stop it getting the audience it so richly deserves.

Good to see the film went down well with the majority of Frightfest audience. Billy O'Brien does his Q&A thing, then most of the weekend pass holders queue up for their goody-bags as I go looking for Amanda who is organising the filmmaker's lunch. She introduces me to "Gasoline Blood" director David Pope and we chat outside while the stragglers are rounded up. Soon we're all here, including Sick Puppy Steve, who arrives looking flushed after a morning of wedding related stress. Our rag tag band winds its way through the streets to the site of our lunch, a garishly decorated club/restaurant allegedly owned by actor Neil Morrissey (of "I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle" infamy).

Sadly, this establishment didn't have a daytime liquor license, so it was soft drinks all round. This didn't dampen spirits though and it was great to chat to Billy O'Brien, Adam Green and Jordan Barker about their films. I also got to meet David McGillivray, the legendary Brit horror writer turned producer, and his director Keith Claxton and talk about our short films. Thanks to Amanda and Frightfest for organising this little get-together, and special thanks to Billy O'Brien for the UK funding tips. Incidentally, while I was enthusing about "Isolation" he let slip that one of his friends had suggested a new tagline for his film: "Isolation" - It's scary in the dairy. Despite it having completely the wrong tone for the film, this tagline has stuck in my brain...but then, isn't that what a good tagline is supposed to do?

Next: Meeting up with a friend and sinking into "The Marsh".

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"My mother always told me that violence doesn't solve anything."
"Really? I wonder what the city founders of Hiroshima would have to say about that."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Princess Bride (1987) dir. Rob Reiner

Westley: "'To the pain' means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose."
Humperdinck: "And then my tongue I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."
Westley: "I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right."
Humperdinck: "And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it."
Westley: "WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

Frightfest pics #3 - Saturday

Frightfest filmmakers' networking lunch - with the Sick Puppy Films contingent of Steve and me in the top left.

[photo courtesy of Frightfest]

Frightfest organiser Alan Jones and "The Marsh" director Jordan Barker pose with Sick Puppy Steve.

Me with "Frantic" author and good friend Frances Lynn in the Odeon bar.

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"'To the pain' means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose."
"And then my tongue I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."
"I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right."
"And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it."
"WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Peeping Tom (1960) dir. Michael Powell

Mr. Peters: "Got a question for you. Which magazine sells the most copies?"
Mark Lewis: "Those with girls on the front covers and no front covers on the girls."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Got a question for you. Which magazine sells the most copies?"
"Those with girls on the front covers and no front covers on the girls."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Uncle Sam (1997) dir. William Lustig

Sam: "Don't be afraid, it's only friendly fire."

Frightfest Report #4

The Zone Horror Frightfest 2006

Friday 25th August - Day One - Night

After a relaxed "Hatchet" Q&A, with much talk about gore FX and "Friday The 13th", it's on to the final two offerings of the night: short film "Gasoline Blood" and Swedish vampire flick "Frostbite". I briefly consider missing these two in order to avoid having to get the nightbus, but seeing as I'll be missing at least one of the films tomorrow, I steel myself for the nightshift.

Director David Pope comes on to introduce his short film and clearly has a lot of supporters in the audience. I'm mentally taking notes here as I know I'll be doing the same thing on Sunday morning.

"Gasoline Blood" (2006) dir. David Pope
[some spoilers]

Done in a mock 1970's style, this a fan's take on the Romeroesque zombie film. When scouting out a possible film location, three outsiders stumble across some angry undead locals. Although, light on plot (and backstory), the atmosphere and disagreeable male lead did remind me of Jorge Grau's "The Living Dead At The Manchester Morgue". Horror audiences' over familiarity with this type of story (we've been flooded with zombie flicks over the past couple of years) works against the film, but if you follow the George A. Romero rules, you can't go too far wrong with zombies. David Pope's biggest achievement here is the final extended take of the undead horde swarming over the final interloper - very effective.

There's nobody here to introduce the midnight movie, "Frostbite", so it's straight into Sweden's first vampire film.

"Frostbiten"/"Frostbite" (2006) dir. Anders Banke
[some spoilers]

Stealing the thunder of the forthcoming movie adaption of Steve Niles' much lauded horror comic "30 Days of Night", "Frostbite" too presents us with a town near the arctic circle where vampires take advantage of nights that go on for weeks at a time. Although I can't imagine "30 Days of Night" will be anywhere near as odd a film as this.

"Frostbite" starts promisingly with a creepy "The Bunker" style WWII opening prologue which introduces the main threat: vampires. Then we flashforward to present day Sweden and the story of doctor Annika (Petra Nielsen) relocating to Norrbotten with her teenage daughter Saga (Grete Havneskold). Saga gets invited to a party by self appointed 'new best friend' Vega (Emma Aberg), but someone's brought along some very dodgy pills. Soon the teenagers are sprouting fangs and biting necks as the pills turn them into vampires.

Before the finale, where it takes a predictable turn into sub-"The Lost Boys" territory, this has moments when it does actually manage to add something new to the vampire subgenre. However, it is a strangely disjointed film which doesn't always manage its shifts of tone very well. The teen comedy element is so-so, with only the horror and drug comedy moments working well. The best section of the film is when the story leaves the dull, sulky heroine and gives us the story of a young man who's formal "Meet the Parents" dinner is complicated by the fact that domestic pets are talking to him; oh, and he's turning into a vampire too.

The attempt to tie the seemingly unconnected WWII prologue into the main story isn't very convincing and the film as whole doesn't really hang together. That said, any film with the wit to stage a vampire-staking by garden gnome death deserves at least one viewing.

Next: Mutant cows attack! Plus, I hobnob with my fellow filmmakers...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Don't be afraid, it's only friendly fire."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Young Frankenstein (1974) dir. Mel Brooks

Elizabeth: "Oh. Where you going? Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. You better keep your mouth shut! Oh...I think I love him."

Frightfest Report #3

The Zone Horror Frightfest 2006

Friday 25th August - Day One - The evening session

After having sated myself with classic Hammer goodness, it was time for the festival proper to start. As much as I welcome the chance to see old favourites on the big screen, one of the main reasons I love Frightfest so much is Alan, Paul and Ian's devotion to seeking out the best NEW horror films from around the world for us to discover and enjoy.

At 6.30pm we had "Pan's Labyrinth" introduced by jovial director Guillermo del Toro who had brought "The Devil's Backbone" and "Hellboy" to previous Frightfests. I had already seen (and loved) "Pan's Labyrinth" at the Cannes Film Festival, but I was looking forward to seeing it again with a Frightfest audience. Would it stand up to a second viewing? Also, would a fairy-tale fantasy (albeit a dark, adult one) fit in amongst the more hardcore horror offerings?

"El Laberinto del Fauno"/"Pan's Labyrinth" (2006)

dir. Guillermo del Toro

[some spoilers]

Set near the end of the Spanish Civil War, with conflict between Franco's fascist government and the rebel communist forces still bubbling on, "Pan's Labyrinth" gives us a child's eye view of a violent and oppressive adult world. Ofelia (Ivana Baquero) travels with her heavily pregnant mother, Carmen (Ariadne Gil) to the rural stronghold of her new stepfather Captain Vidal (Sergi Lopez). Ofelia is seeking to escape her new life when she discovers a gateway to a fantasy world in the stronghold's crumbling maze, and a possible way out.

In the Q&A afterwards, Guillermo del Toro talked about how intensely personal this film was for him and how many of the little touches in the film were lifted directly from his childhood. Watching "Pan's Labyrinth" it is easy to see this. This a great work of craftsmanship and artistry, where you feel that everything you see and hear has been specifically designed to heighten and aid the telling of the story. Nothing in this film is here by accident. This is not to say that the film is cold and overly calculated - quite the opposite. This is passionate filmmaking from a director in his prime.

All of Guillermo del Toro's favourite visual motifs are here: insects, watches/clockwork devices, the rich use of colour (plus Doug Jones in elaborate prosthetic make-up). I much prefer del Toro's Spanish language work ("Cronos", "The Devil's Backbone") to his Hollywood entertainments, fun as they often are. In the Q&A he described "Pan's Labyrinth" as a sister film to "The Devil's Backbone", and structurally they share many similarities. "Pan's Labyrinth" is the superior sibling though and by far del Toro's best film yet. As a dark fairy tale, comparisons will inevitably be made between this film and "Edward Scissorhands" (as Alan Jones has already done) and, with its heady mix of reality and fantasy, the early work of Terry Gilliam, particularly "Time Bandits" and "Brazil". However, "Pan's Labyrinth" is its own beast, sitting comfortably in such illustrious company but occupying a unique place of its own.

The performances are uniformly excellent, but special mention must go to Maribel Verdu as housekeeper (and rebel spy) Mercedes, for a performance very different to her sexy turn in "Y Tu Mama Tambien", and to Sergi Lopez. Lopez manages to make the brutal captain a very human monster, and the scene where he stitches up his slashed face went down very well with the sold-out Frightfest audience. The best tribute I can give to the film is that even though I was watching it for the second time (and with someone's head obscuring many of the subtitles) I still teared up at the ending (a rare occurrence I promise) - that's the power of great cinema.

Afterwards, the Q&A with the director and his producer friend Alfonso Cuaron was very inspiring, and also very enlightening. I have to save it made me feel a bit better about my own filmmaking when I heard Guillermo del Toro say he had needed to put his own money into nearly all of the films he had made - including "Blade II" and "Hellboy"- to get them finished the way he wanted. As an independent you tend to assume that the one big advantage of working for a Hollywood studio is that you won't have to do things like that.

Next is "Hatchet", which was one of the more keenly awaited titles this Frightfest and arrived with some very positive buzz surrounding it. Director Adam Green introduced his film, and was clearly not faking his enthusiasm for gore and horror.

"Hatchet" (2006) dir. Adam Green

[some spoilers]

After I watched "Hatchet", the first thought I had was: Wow! This guy really likes "Friday The 13th" and its many sequels. Having subsequently met Adam Green and chatted to him at the filmmakers' networking lunch on Saturday, I can attest to the fact that my first impressions were correct. Adam knows exactly the kind of films he wants to make and is unapologetic about his love for the 80's horror films he grew up with, and it is that love that shines through in this, his second film (after no-budget debut "Coffee & Donuts").

In pre-Hurricane Katrina New Orleans, broken-hearted Ben (Joel Moore) talks his reluctant buddy Marcus (Deon Richmond) into leaving the Mardi Gras for a spooky tour of the local swamplands. But when the tour boat breaks down far from civilisation, they soon find out that the local legend of axe-scarred Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) is more than just a spook-story. Soon, the tour party ranks start to thin out as the gory killings begin.

Adam Green doesn't mess around, right away he lets the audience know what kind of film they're going to be watching. If "Hatchet" isn't your cup of tea, you will know within the first five minutes. Kicking off with an enjoyable Robert Englund cameo, climaxing his prologue with some real gore, then seemingly trying to pack as many shots of topless women as possible into his introductory New Orleans montage - you get plenty of warning about what kind of horror this is. This isn't Val Lewton style chills, this is a gory old-school slasher film filled with gore and loud frat-boy humour. Subtle it ain't - fun it is.

Once he gets his victims running around the swamp being chased by a madman, the film seems to run out of ideas as to what to do with them. The business of having the Scooby Doo type group run away for a few yards then stop and look around, gets repetitive quickly. However, inventively gory deaths realised by John Carl Buechler and entertaining turns from Tony Todd and Jason Voorhees himself, Kane Hodder, keep things light and fun. Hodder has a duel role, playing both the Jason-like Victor Crowley, and in flashback, Crowley's father. It is in this second role that Hodder really surprises. Any gorehound knows that Kane Hodder swings a mean machete, but as Crowley's father he is genuinely touching. Also, perhaps because it is unlike anything else in the movie, the final shot of the father slowly fading away as the narration speaks of his death has stayed with me in a way none of the gore has.

"Hatchet" is a real midnight movie, and I would group it together with the likes of previous Frightfest entry "Monster Man", in that it's cheesy, gory and funny, but not scary. It is the ending, which gleefully plays with the famous final twist/sequel hook from that most famous of slasher films, which really confirms it: Adam Green loves "Friday The 13th" and he's proud of it!

Next: Zombies...and death by Gnome!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Oh. Where you going? Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. You better keep your mouth shut! Oh...I think I love him."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Shaun Of The Dead (2004) dir. Edgar Wright

Shaun: "Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil. 'Sorry'. Grab Liz. Go to the Winchester. Have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"

Frightfest Pics #2 - Friday

The Odeon West End cinema - Friday morning

Hatchet director Adam Green introduces his film.

Frightfest organiser Paul McEvoy watches as Mark Gatiss introduces Hammer classic The Hound Of The Baskervilles.

NB.) I did take lots of pictures of the both Guillermo Del Toro introduction to "Pan's Labyrinth" and the Q&A with Alfonso Cuaron afterwards. However, not unlike the vampires in the Joe Aherne TV series "Ultraviolet" the man refused to be captured on camera. Really. Every shot I got of him is blurred. So rather than inflict a blurry shot of a bearded figure who looks a bit like Guillermo Del Toro on you, I recommend you visit the Frightfest site for a decent picture of him: here.

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil. 'Sorry'. Grab Liz. Go to the Winchester. Have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"

[answer tomorrow]


Saturday's Quote Of The Day was from:

An American Werewolf In London (1981) dir. John Landis

Little boy with balloons: "Mummy! Mummy! A naked American man stole my balloons!"

Frightfest Report #2

The Zone Horror Frightfest 2006

Friday 25th August - Day One

It's a beautiful August summer's day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing...what better time to go and sit in a darkened room and watch horror films all day? I fuel up on coffee and then go into the cinema, eager for the first treat of the day: a triple bill of Hammer horror films "The Hound Of The Baskervilles"/"Countess Dracula"/"Twins Of Evil"- all with shiny new restored prints.

When I first heard they were going to do a Hammer day, I had hoped they would pick different films. I hoped for either some of my favourites [eg."Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed", "Blood From The Mummy's Tomb", "The Devil Rides Out"] or ones I hadn't yet had a chance to see [eg."The Stranglers Of Bombay", "The Reptile", "Vampire Circus"]. However, although I've seen all three of the selected Hammer films before, I've only ever seen "The Curse of Frankenstein" at the cinema. With their lurid colours and huge gothic sets, these movies should look gorgeous on the Odeon's big screen...

Frightfest organiser (and Cinema Store head honcho) Paul McEvoy says hello to the Frightfest faithful and then brings on the man who will introduce the first film: Mark Gatiss. The League of Gentlemen writer and star is no stranger to Frightfest, having previously shown his film "The League Of Gentlemen's Apocalypse" at a special one-day event. Mark is witty and funny and obviously a devoted Sherlock Holmes fan as well as a horror enthusiast. Having stoked our interest sufficently, Mark exits and the lights go down.

"The Hound of the Baskervilles" (1959) dir. Terence Fisher

[some spoilers]

Consulting detective Sherlock Holmes is called on to investigate a family curse which seems to be afflicting the Baskervilles. The last lord of Baskerville Hall died in mysterious circumstances, and now family friend Dr. Mortimer is convinced the life of the new lord, Sir Henry, is in danger. Is there really a spectral hound haunting the moors or does the threat have a logical explanation?

Adapted from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 'Sherlock Holmes' novel, this story should make for an ideal Hammer horror. An ancient curse, omnipresent fog, a eery, possibly supernatural beast stalking the moors...all the ingredients are in place. Likewise, with the cast and crew, this is a dream team: Hammer's foremost director Terence Fisher at the helm, its two greatest stars, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee, and sterling support from the likes of Andre Morrell and John Le Mesurier. To a great extent, it all works to provide a terrifically entertaining film.

However, the makers couldn't resist 'gilding the lily' and changing Conan Doyle's tale. So we get all manner of horror stuff lobbed in there to spice up the action. Mystery is sacrificed in favour of shocks. So the clever business of Sir Henry's missing boot is jetissoned in favour of a tarantula attack. Also, we get sacrificial rites with a dagger, a hand with webbed fingers, and Beryl Stapleton is transformed from Stapleton's innocent sister to being Cecile, his vengeful latin wife. I rather like Holmes' penchant for disguises, but here this theatrical side to his character is ditched. The upshot of all of this tinkering is a hole in the plot, but I can't deny how much fun it is.

Peter Cushing is ideal casting as Holmes, and dependable as ever, but it is Andre Morrell as Dr. John H. Watson who really excels. As in the novel, Holmes is absent for a sizeable part of the story and the focus falls on Watson instead. Morrell more than holds our sympathy and gives a portayal of Watson much closer to Conan Doyle's original than Nigel Bruce's in the Rathbone/Bruce series of films (although I do love those films). The best part of the film is the opening prologue illustrating the story of how the curse of the hound came about. This section shows off Terence Fisher's eye for colour and affinity for lusty action to its fullest, and it was a pleasure to see it on the big screen.

There had been rumours of special Hammer guests prior to the festival, so I was a bit disappointed that neither star Ingrid Pitt, nor director Peter Sasdy were around to introduce her finest hour - "Countess Dracula".

"Countess Dracula" (1971) dir. Peter Sasdy

[some spoilers]

A decent late period Hammer horror, based very loosely on the story of legendary blood-bathing nutjob Elizabeth Bathory. Aged Countess Elizabeth (Ingrid Pitt) accidentally discovers that virgin's blood has a miraculous rejuvanating effect on her. Soon virgins are being killed and exsanguinated left, right, and centre, as the Countess becomes obsessed with keeping both her new found youth and her shallow young lover.

This is a particularly camp example of Hammer's output, with both Ingrid Pitt and Nigel Green (as Captain Dobi, her former lover) having a wonderful time with some very arch dialogue. However, Pitt plays the Countess' increasing desperation straight and ensures we never completely lose sympathy for her. Unintentional laughs come from the character of Ilona, the Countess' daughter (played by Lesley-Anne Down) who is so incredibly wet and helpless it's funny. The ending, reminisent of Ken Russell's "The Music Lovers", is creepy and downbeat, with villagers forming a deranged chorus to accompany the sight of the now completely insane Countess staring blankly out through the bars of her prison.

Twins Of Evil (1971) dir. John Hough

[some spoilers]

"Twins Of Evil" is simultaneously both the silliest and the goriest Hammer horror on offer today. Voluptuous twins Mary and Madeleine Collinson, play voluptuous twins Maria and Frieda Gellhorn, who are orphaned and sent to stay with their puritanical uncle Gustav Weil (Peter Cushing). Weil spends his free-time leading religious vigilantes The Brotherhood on 'witch'burning outings. However, his victimisation of single women and outsiders rebounds on him when vampire Count Karnstein (Damien Thomas) targets bad-girl Frieda as his next prey.

Despite the leading ladies poor acting, the story (based on J. Sheridan Le Fanu's vampire classic "Carmilla") has enough exploitation goods to keep most horror fans happy. Again, campiness and unintentional comedy work in the film's favour when watching this film with 21st century eyes. The Brotherhood are particularly good value with their constant Monty Pythonesque cries of "Burn her!" Another highlight is Peter Cushing 's anguished cry: "The Devil has sent me...Twins of Evil!"

The only uncomfortable part is the suggestion towards the end of the story that Weil is merely misguided and using the wrong evil-killing methods. It's apparently okay to burn innocent women to death if your intentions are pure and noble. Nevermind that there is a clearly a big element of sublimated sexual desire behind his witch-burning, or that he and the Brotherhood have probably killed as many victims as evil Count Karnstein... Despite this, the castle-storming ending provides some memorably gory moments.

Next: An instant classic...and a film from someone who really, really loves "Friday the 13th".

Frightfest Pics #1 - Thursday

Frightfest organiser Alan Jones gets proceedings underway.

Severance director Chris Smith takes the microphone with (from l-r) Claudie Blakley, Danny Dyer, Tim McInnerny, Andy Nyman and James Moran.

Frightfest Report #1

The Zone Horror Frightfest 2006

Greetings from Leicester Square!

August bank holiday weekend saw the annual ritual of the Frightfest descend on London's west end to bring horror, humour, gore, fear and depravity to a grateful bunch of horror fans. As in the previous three years, I was a proud bearer of the much coveted Frightfest weekend pass. So now I've recovered from both the Frightfest and Steve's wedding in Portugal, I'll be posting my impressions of the festival, with film reviews and news of the big screening on Sunday 27th. Yes, the director's cut of "Snatching Time" (produced, directed and co-written by yours truly) had its UK premiere at 11.15am in the Odeon West End cinema, screening before the feature "Broken".

Now, with the introductions out of the way - let's begin:

Thurday 24th - Day Zero

I rush to get out of work in time but thankfully I make it. 6.30pm is the special charity pre-Frightfest screening of "Severance", a new British Horror/Comedy I heard good things about at the Cannes film ferstival earlier this year, but didn't get a chance to see at the time. I say hi to the organisers Alan, Ian and Paul then sit down in my seat - row F seat 28. It's the same seat as I'll be occupying throughout the rest of the Frightfest. After a screening of the top three Zone Horror Cut! short films (more on these later), the director, writer and key cast members of "Severance" introduce their film and then it's showtime!

Severance (2006) dir. Chris Smith

[minor spoilers only]

A disparate group of people walk into the woods where they encounter unspeakable horror and start dying one-by-one as they are killed off by a monster/maniac/evil force (delete as applicable). This is a well worn template that has yielded many fine horror films, as well as inumerable 'spam-in-a-cabin' hack jobs. From "The Evil Dead" to "The Blair Witch Project" and beyond; it's tough to come up with a new twist to this form. I know because Rob and I have been writing one: "Roleslay". We think we've come up with some new tricks for this old dog, but it's tough. So it was with some relief that I discovered that "Severance" a) did have a new approach to this subgenre, and b) that they hadn't stolen our thunder.

"Severance" twists the formula by having the people in the woods be employees of a US/multinational arms manufacturer on a team building works outing in the forests of Eastern Europe. So we get a mismatched group of employees reluctantly dragged into the woods for some paintballing by their ineffectual boss Richard (Tim McInnerny). Left isolated at a lodge in the forest, the team soon begin to realise that something is very wrong as the past sins of their employer Pallisade Defense, catch up with them in a very bloody way.

I wasn't a fan of Chris Smith's previous horror "Creep", but thankfully "Severance" is a far superior film. The main reason is the superior script by James Moran (with Chris Smith) which is very funny. This is a comedy horror with the emphasis put mainly on the comedy. The ensemble cast handle both sides very well, with standout turns by Andy Nyman as Gordon (look out for the swimming pool scene) and the aforementioned Tim McInnerny who gets the best scene of the film. The leads Laura Harris and Danny Dyer both give likable performances and (unlike "Creep") get you rooting for them.

"Severance" works best when it's grounded in the petty jealousy and flirting of the office. The attempt at anti-arms industry satire is less successful, with the character of the American C.E.O. too broad a caricature to say anything insightful about either the arms industry or US foreign policy. However, even in it's least successful patches "Severance" remains great fun and you'd have to be either very stuffy or very sensitive to take issue with it's gleefully sick sense of humour (I'm thinking of one one particular moment, which to avoid spoilers I'll just call the 9/11 bit). As is often the case when you pile on the gore, it's not that scary, but it does deliver thrills and action. Great last line too.

I stay for the Q&A and walk out of the cinema enthused and looking forward to Friday's treats...

Next: It's Hammer time!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Mummy! Mummy! A naked American man stole my balloons!"

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Kind Hearts And Coronets (1949) dir. Robert Hamer

Louis Mazzini: "It is so difficult to make a neat job of killing people with whom one is not on friendly terms."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"It is so difficult to make a neat job of killing people with whom one is not on friendly terms."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Dark Star (1974) dir. John Carpenter

Doolittle: "Don't give me any of that intelligent life crap, just give me something I can blow up."

SFX #148 - with 'Pulp Idol' paperback - Buy It Now!

"They are something like greyhounds, something like alligators,

something like chainsaws..." [Wolves at the Door]

Out in the shops now - SFX #148 Oct 2006 (£3.99) with FREE 'Pulp Idol' paperback featuring Sick Puppy Rob Wicking's chilling sci-fi short story, "Wolves at the Door". Commended by sci-fi author and critic Adam Roberts in his foreword for its "furious energy".

Buy it now!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Don't give me any of that intelligent life crap, just give me something I can blow up."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977) dir. John Boorman

Father Lamont: "Don't you understand...that I was face to face with the Evil that's inside her. Your machine has proved scientifically that there's an ancient demon locked within her!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Don't you understand... that I was face to face with the Evil that's inside her. Your machine has proved scientifically that there's an ancient demon locked within her!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Flash Gordon (1980) dir. Mike Hodges

Zogi, The High Priest: "Do you, Ming the Merciless, Ruler of the Universe, take this Earthling Dale Arden, to be your Empress of the Hour?"
Ming: "Of the hour, yes."
Zogi, The High Priest: "Do you promise to use her as you will?"
Ming: "Certainly"
Zogi, The High Priest: "Not to blast her into space...Uh, until such time as you grow weary of her?"
Ming: "I do"
Dale Arden: "I do NOT!"

Sick Puppy's Quote of The Day

"Do you, ---, Ruler of the Universe, take this Earthling ---, to be your Empress of the Hour?"
"Of the hour, yes."
"Do you promise to use her as you will?"
"Certainly."
"Not to blast her into space...Uh, until such time as you grow weary of her?"
"I do."
"I do NOT!"

[answer tomorrow]


This one goes out to Sick Puppy Steve and his new wife Elka, on the beginning of their matrimonial adventure. Best wishes, you two, from all at Sick Puppy HQ.


Thursday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Howling (1981) dir. Joe Dante

Erle Kenton: "Humans are our prey. We should feed on them, like we've always done. Screw all this 'channel your energies' crap."