Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"General, if you use that, nothing will grow out there for the next ten years!"
"Why worry about shaving when somebody's going to cut your head off?"

[answer Tuesday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Ghost Breakers (1940) dir. George Marshall

Larry Lawrence: "He sees the darkside of everything, he was born during an eclipse."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"He sees the darkside of everything, he was born during an eclipse."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Mimic (1997) dir. Guillermo del Toro

Josh: "This is what I love about my job. I get to travel, see the world, meet new cultures. I mean, it's all bacterial, but, hey, what the f*ck?"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"This is what I love about my job. I get to travel, see the world, meet new cultures. I mean, it's all bacterial, but, hey, what the f*ck?"

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Xmas Quote Of The Day was from:

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) dir. Charles E. Sellier Jr.

Billy Chapman: "Mommy, you shouldn't have said that. It's naughty to say bad things about old people. Santa Claus will punish you!"

Sick Puppy's Xmas Quote Of The Day

"Mommy, you shouldn't have said that. It's naughty to say bad things about old people. Santa Claus will punish you!"

[answer Wednesday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Empire Of The Ants (1977) dir. Bert I. Gordon

Marilyn Fryser: "I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Final Destination 2 (2003) dir. David R. Ellis

Kimberley Corman: "If Clear was right, that means Nora and Tim are going to be killed by pigeons!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"If Clear was right, that means Nora and Tim are going to be killed by pigeons!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Black Christmas (2006) dir. Glen Morgan

Dana Mathis: "I'd like to bury the hatchet with my sister... right in her head."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"I'd like to bury the hatchet with my sister... right in her head."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Ninth Configuration (1980) dir. William Peter Blatty

Captain Cutshaw: "The man in the moon tried to f*ck my sister!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"The man in the moon tried to f*ck my sister!"

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Dungeons & Dragons (2000) dir. Courtney Solomon

Elwood Gutworthy: "She's too skinny lad! What you need is a good dwarven woman...with a beard you CAN HANG ON TOO! AHAHAH!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"She's too skinny lad! What you need is a good dwarven woman...with a beard you CAN HANG ON TOO! AHAHAH!"

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

House Of The Dead (2003) dir. Uwe Boll

Rudy: "You did all this to become immortal. Why?"
Castillo: "To live forever!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You did all this to become immortal. Why?"
"To live forever!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Sick Puppy Rob's Birthday Quote Of The Day was from:

Dracula 3000 (2004) [TV] dir. Darrell Roodt (and featuring a credit for the birthday boy Rob as 'Digital Negative Timer')

187: "Did I ever tell you how many times I'd see you and want to ejaculate all over your bazonkas? All the times I stayed up late, high as a kite, in the non-gravitational atmosphere, while I stroked my anaconda, and dreamed about your snow-white ass..."

Sick Puppy Rob's Birthday Quote Of The Day

"Did I ever tell you how many times I'd see you and want to ejaculate all over your bazonkas? All the times I stayed up late, high as a kite, in the non-gravitational atmosphere, while I stroked my anaconda, and dreamed about your snow-white ass..."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Battle Beyond The Stars (1980) dir. Jimmy T. Murakami

Sador: "Hear me, beings of Akir. I am Sador of the Malmori. I have come with my forces to conquer you. If you resist, I will crush you. I possess a stellar converter, the most powerful weapon in the universe. You cannot resist me. I want your planet to be my colony. Your harvest comes in seven risings of your red giant. I shall return then, and you will accept me as your master. If you do not submit, your planet and all life on it will be burned to ash...YOU ARE MINE!"

Happy 40th Birthday to Sick Puppy Rob!

Mr. Rob Wickings

Happy Birthday Sick Puppy Rob!*** Glad to see you're taking it well.

***Update: Since first posting this item, there have been unconfirmed reports that upon reaching the milestone of his 40th birthday, Rob has plunged headlong into a full-blown midlife crisis...unfortunately, Rob was not available to comment on these reports as he was too busy getting his nipples pierced, dyeing his new mohican hairstyle green and buying a Harley-Davidson motorbike... ;-)

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Hear me, beings of Akir. I am Sador of the Malmori. I have come with my forces to conquer you. If you resist, I will crush you. I possess a stellar converter, the most powerful weapon in the universe. You cannot resist me. I want your planet to be my colony. Your harvest comes in seven risings of your red giant. I shall return then, and you will accept me as your master. If you do not submit, your planet and all life on it will be burned to ash...YOU ARE MINE!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Rosemary's Baby (1968) dir. Roman Polanski

Rosemary Woodhouse: "You... you had me while I was out?"
Guy Woodhouse: "It was kinda fun in a necrophile sort of way"

Sick Pics from the weekend...

On the occasion of filmmaker & Sick Puppy friend Nick Scott's 30th birthday, I put on my best lounging suit and cravat and set forth with Sick Puppy Graham & Ester in a 1960s catalogue stylee to boogie and drink cocktails...who would survive and what would be left of them?*

*Thanks to the lovely Fiona for the extra pics...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You... you had me while I was out?"
"It was kinda fun in a necrophile sort of way"

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth (1992) dir. Anthony Hickox

The Priest: "You'll burn in hell for this!"
Pinhead: "Burn? Oh, such a limited imagination!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You'll burn in hell for this!"
"Burn? Oh, such a limited imagination!"

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Dune (1984) dir. David Lynch

Paul Atreides: "What's in the box?"
Reverend Mother Mohiam: "Pain."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"What's in the box?"
"Pain."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Videodrome (1983) dir. David Cronenberg

Brian O'Blivion: "I believe that the growth in my head - this head - this one right here. I think that it is not really a tumor...not an uncontrolled, undirected little bubbling pot of flesh...but that it is in fact a new organ... a new part of the brain."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"I believe that the growth in my head - this head - this one right here. I think that it is not really a tumor...not an uncontrolled, undirected little bubbling pot of flesh...but that it is in fact a new organ... a new part of the brain."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein (1957) dir. Herbert L. Strock

Prof. Frankenstein: "Speak. I know you have a civil tongue in your head because I sewed it back myself."

Last Chance to Vote for our music video: "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film"

The online voting part of the Shooting People/Robbie Williams competition closes on Monday December 11th - So if you haven't already watched or voted for our latest film - this is your last chance!


Starring Ashvin-Kumar Joshi and Laura Metcalfe, with Camerawork from Simon Aitken & Graham (no relation to Robbie) Williams, Make up from Ania Gastol, Colour grading by Rob Wickings, Produced by myself and Stephen Cartwright, and Edited and Directed by yours truly.

Entitled - "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film" - the completed 5 min 33 second music video can now be viewed online, and IF YOU ARE A http://www.shootingpeople.org/ member YOU CAN VOTE FOR IT.

To view the film:
1) Go to this website address - www.robbiewilliams.com/rudeboxshorts
2) Then from the sidebar choose the "Watch videos and vote" option.
3) Scroll down the list of films until you find - "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film".
4) Select the film, and once it's loaded - enjoy!

To VOTE FOR THE FILM:
Sadly, only Shooting People members can vote for my film. You can join by going to the website - http://www.shootingpeople.org/ - but it costs £30! (Although if you are a filmmaker, scriptwriter or actor, I think it's worth the dosh). If you are a member, you need to do the following:
1) Go to the Shooting People website - http://www.shootingpeople.org/
2) Login.
3) You should see a graphic advertising the Robbie Williams competition. Click on 'find out more'.
4) Then from the sidebar choose the 'Watch videos and vote' option.
5) Scroll down the list of films until you find - "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film".
6) Select the film, and once it's loaded - enjoy!
7) Then - please vote! You need to give the film a rating between 1 and 5 (5 being the best).

I hope you enjoy the film. Please vote if you are able...

Many Thanks,


Sick Puppy Clive

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Speak. I know you have a civil tongue in your head because I sewed it back myself."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Flesh + Blood (1985) dir. Paul Verhoeven

Steven: "My Father's half-dead. My bride has been captured. And you're babbling on about seedlings?"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"My Father's half-dead. My bride has been captured. And you're babbling on about seedlings? "

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Fright Night (1985) dir. Tom Holland

Evil Ed: "He got me, Charley! He bit me! You know what you're gonna have to do now, don't you? Kill me. Kill me, Charley...before I turn into a vampire, and...GIVE YOU A HICKEY!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"He got me, Charley! He bit me! You know what you're gonna have to do now, don't you? Kill me. Kill me, Charley...before I turn into a vampire, and...GIVE YOU A HICKEY!"

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Legend Of Hell House (1973) dir. John Hough

Ann Barrett: "What did he do to make this house so evil, Mr. Fischer?"
Benjamin Franklin Fischer: "Drug addiction, alcoholism, sadism, beastiality, mutilation, murder, vampirism, necrophilia, cannibalism, not to mention a gamut of sexual goodies. Shall I go on?"

A Sick Puppy Book?

As part of the National Novel Writing Month, Sick Puppy Rob has pulled on his writing trousers (loose at the knees, padded bottom, fluid retention system for those times when you really can't pull yourself away from the keyboard) and hammered out 50,000 words of a book based on one of his script pitches.
Satan's School For Girls (yes, yes, I know) is a twisted mix of genres crashing together in new and ugly ways. I've taken themes as different as the St. Trinian's films, the girl's comic Misty and the nunsploitation (NSFW link) work of directors such as Jess Franco and Walerian Borowczyk to create a heady brew of horror and weirdness in the far northern reaches of Scotland.
The first draft should be completed by the end of next week, with a polish soon after. The final product should be ready for the new year. Who knows, the first imprint of the Sick Puppy Press?
Read an extract here.

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"What did he do to make this house so evil, Mr. Fischer?"
"Drug addiction, alcoholism, sadism, beastiality, mutilation, murder, vampirism, necrophilia, cannibalism, not to mention a gamut of sexual goodies. Shall I go on?"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Night Of The Hunter (1955) dir. Charles Laughton

Rev. Harry Powell: "There are things you do hate, Lord. Perfume-smellin' things...lacy things...things with curly hair."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"There are things you do hate, Lord. Perfume-smellin' things...lacy things...things with curly hair."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Martin (1977) dir. George A. Romero

Tada Cuda: "Nosferatu. Vampire! First I will save your soul, then I will destroy you. I will show you your room."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Nosferatu. Vampire! First I will save your soul, then I will destroy you. I will show you your room."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Road Kill [aka. Joy Ride] (2001) dir. John Dahl

Rusty Nail: "Now they know what it feels like...to be the butt-end of the joke. Your palms sweating, your face burning up. Now they know what it's like...to be the f**king punch line."

I'm sorry...the Sick Puppy Films website is currently unavailable...please leave your message after the beep. BEEP!

Thanks to all those friends who kindly pointed out that our website is down. I think I know what the problem is - hopefully we can sort it out and be back online very shortly.

In the meantime, stay tuned to this blog for all the latest Sick Puppy news...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Now they know what it feels like...to be the butt-end of the joke. Your palms sweating, your face burning up. Now they know what it's like...to be the f**king punch line."

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Society (1989) dir. Brian Yuzna

Bill Whitney: "We're just one big happy family...except for a little incest and psychosis."

Watch and VOTE for our film! "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film" is now ONLINE!

Ashvin-Kumar Joshi in "THE 80S: Sick Puppy Film"

The waiting is over, everyone can now watch our Robbie Williams music video online (and if you are a Shooting People member you can vote too). For those of you who have not been following recent blog entries, here's the lowdown:

I have recently completed my latest film project - a music video for Robbie Williams. Well, to be completely accurate, a music video for the current Robbie Williams/Shooting People competition. The brief was to download an specific ("The 80s") from his new album "Rudebox" and create a short film or music video using some or all of the track. There are two prizes for the competition: the first is awarded by judges including Robbie Williams, Jonathan Ross and Lord Puttnam, the second IS VOTED FOR ONLINE BY YOU!

Starring Ashvin-Kumar Joshi and Laura Metcalfe, with Camerawork from Simon Aitken & Graham (no relation to Robbie) Williams, Make up from Ania Gastol, Colour grading by Rob Wickings, Produced by myself and Stephen Cartwright, and Edited and Directed by yours truly.
Entitled - "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film" - the completed 5 min 33 second music video can now be viewed online, and IF YOU ARE A www.shootingpeople.org member YOU CAN VOTE FOR IT.

To view the film:

1) Go to this website address - www.robbiewilliams.com/rudeboxshorts

2) Then from the sidebar choose the "Watch videos and vote" option.

3) Scroll down the list of films until you find - "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film".

4) Select the film, and once it's loaded - enjoy!

To VOTE FOR THE FILM:

Sadly, only Shooting People members can vote for my film. You can join by going to the website - www.shootingpeople.org - but it costs £30! (Although if you are a filmmaker, scriptwriter or actor, I think it's worth the dosh). If you are a member, you need to do the following:

1) Go to the Shooting People website - www.shootingpeople.org

2) Login.

3) You should see a graphic advertising the Robbie Williams competition. Click on 'find out more'.

4) Then from the sidebar choose the 'Watch videos and vote' option.

5) Scroll down the list of films until you find - "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film".

6) Select the film, and once it's loaded - enjoy!

7) Then - please vote! You need to give the film a rating between 1 and 5 (5 being the best).

I hope you enjoy the film. I think even the most extreme of Robbie Williams haters will get a chuckle out of it. Please vote if you are able...

Many Thanks,

Sick Puppy Clive

PS. The more eagle-eyed/technically astute will notice that the film is not being presented in the correct aspect ratio. It was shot 16:9 and is being presented anamorphic (stretched) in a 4:3 box. I have contacted Shooting People and hopefully a corrected letterbox version will be uploaded soon. In the meantime, please pretend it's deliberate 'special effect'. ;-)

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"We're just one big happy family...except for a little incest and psychosis."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Mad Max 2 [aka. The Road Warrior] (1981) dir. George Miller

Toadie: "Greetings from The Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Greetings from The Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Alien (1979) dir. Ridley Scott

Ash: "You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility."
Lambert: "You admire it."
Ash: "I admire its purity. A survivor...unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality."

The Waiting Game...

Those lovely folks at Shooting People have had a DVD copy of our completed Robbie Williams competition music video "THE 80S: A Sick Puppy Film" for a week now, and it's still not online. I chased them earlier this week and was promised it would be uploaded Tuesday. It's Thursday night and still nothing online. I have sent them another email - hopefully nothing's wrong.

Fingers crossed, touch wood, it'll be online before the weekend. Here's hoping...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility."
"You admire it."
"I admire its purity. A survivor...unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Mothman Prophecies (2002) dir. Mark Pellington

John Klein: "I think we can assume that these entities are more advanced than us. Why don't they just come right out and tell us what's on their minds?"
Alexander Leek: "You're more advanced than a cockroach, have you ever tried explaining yourself to one of them?"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"I think we can assume that these entities are more advanced than us. Why don't they just come right out and tell us what's on their minds?"
"You're more advanced than a cockroach, have you ever tried explaining yourself to one of them?"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Kingu Kongu Tai Gojira [aka. King Kong vs. Godzilla] (1962) dir. Ishirô Honda

Kinsaburo Furue: "My corns always hurt when they're near a monster."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"My corns always hurt when they're near a monster."

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Serenity (2005) dir. Joss Whedon

Wash: "This landing is gonna get pretty interesting."
Mal: "Define 'interesting'."
Wash: "Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?"

"The 80s" - Robbie video making of pics #2

Ashvin-Kumar Joshi in his pre-transformation guise - as a businessman.

Ashvin in full 80s costume - awaiting final make up

A very fatigued cast & crew after the shoot was completed (from l-r: Ania Gastol, Laura Metcalfe, Simon Aitken, Graham Williams, Me, Ashvin-Kumar Joshi)

I give Laura some final directions before we shoot her scene.

I look on as Laura assumes her 'statue pose'

"The 80s" - Robbie video making of pics #1

Laura Metcalfe - our female lead, shows off her 80s outfit.

Me (the director) with male lead Ashvin-Kumar Joshi

Steve (the producer) with adoring fan (Logan)

Our crack team of Camera Operators - Graham Williams & Simon Aitken

Make Up Artist Ania Gastol applies the finishing touches to Ashvin

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"This landing is gonna get pretty interesting."
"Define 'interesting'."
"Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?"

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse (2005) dir. Steve Bendelack

Hilary Briss: ''Geoff Tipps, a clever man with a big c*ck, comes in and stops the king from being killed. He is a hero. His c*ck is big.''

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

''Geoff Tipps, a clever man with a big c*ck, comes in and stops the king from being killed. He is a hero. His c*ck is big.''

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Wolfen (1981) dir. Michael Wadleigh

Old Indian: "They're shiftless. They might be Gods!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"They're shiftless. They might be Gods!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) dir. Joe Dante

Dr. Catheter: "Easy boy, nice boy. Now listen to me, I could get you diseases...you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Easy boy, nice boy. Now listen to me, I could get you diseases...you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Chumscrubber (2005) dir. Arie Posin

Dean Stiffle: "Dad, if you write about me again in another one of your stupid books, I'm going to kill you."
Dr. Bill Stiffle: "Stupid? There are several major book chains around this country that will disagree with you on that point."

Breaking News: Robbie Video - Now Completed!

I've just finished the final online edit of "The 80s: A Sick Puppy Film" for the Robbie Wiliams/Shooting People competition. Thanks to everyone who lent a hand. I'm really happy with the way it's come together.

The finished video should be uploaded and online within the week. Watch this space for further info...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Dad, if you write about me again in another one of your stupid books, I'm going to kill you."
"Stupid? There are several major book chains around this country that will disagree with you on that point."

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Machinist (2004) dir. Brad Anderson

Stevie: "Are you okay?"
Trevor Reznik: "Don't I look okay?"
Stevie: "If you were any thinner, you wouldn't exist."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Are you okay?"
"Don't I look okay?"
"If you were any thinner, you wouldn't exist."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Scream (1996) dir. Wes Craven

Ghostface: "Never say 'who's there?' Don't you watch scary movies? It's a death wish. You might as well come out to investigate a strange noise or something"

Frightfest

I've made a quick post on the Sick Puppie's visit to the ICA Frightfest all-nighter, over at The Ugly Truth. Pop on over, and find out what the undisputed hit of the night was!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Never say 'who's there?' Don't you watch scary movies? It's a death wish. You might as well come out to investigate a strange noise or something"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

House (1986) dir. Steve Miner

Big Ben: "DAMN! Come back from the grave and ran out of ammunition."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"DAMN! Come back from the grave and ran out of ammunition."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Last Man On Earth (1964) dir. Ubaldo Ragona & Sidney Salkow

Dr. Robert Morgan: "Freaks! All of you. Freaks! Mutations!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Freaks! All of you. Freaks! Mutations!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Omega Man (1971) dir. Boris Sagal

Matthias: "One creature, caught. Caught in a place he cannot stir from in the dark, alone, outnumbered hundreds to one, nothing to live for but his memories, nothing to live with but his gadgets, his cars, his guns, gimmicks...and yet the whole family can't bring him down from that, that-"
Zachary: "Honky paradise, brother?"
Matthias: "Forget the old ways, brother, all the old hatreds."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"One creature, caught. Caught in a place he cannot stir from in the dark, alone, outnumbered hundreds to one, nothing to live for but his memories, nothing to live with but his gadgets, his cars, his guns, gimmicks...and yet the whole family can't bring him down from that, that-"
"Honky paradise, brother?"
"Forget the old ways, brother, all the old hatreds."

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

May (2002) dir. Lucky McKee

Adam: "Whatcha readin' about?"
May: "Amputation."
Adam: "Is that for work?"
May: "Nope. It's just for fun."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Whatcha readin' about?"
"Amputation."
"Is that for work?"
"Nope. It's just for fun."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

C.H.U.D. II - Bud The Chud (1989) dir. David Irving

Graves: "What the hell is that?"
Colonel Masters: "Only the Goddamndest, ugliest barber I've ever seen."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"What the hell is that?"
"Only the Goddamndest, ugliest barber I've ever seen."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Thing From Another World (1951) dir. Christian Nyby & Howard Hawks (uncredited)

Scotty: "Please doctor, I've got to ask this. It sounds like, well, just as though you're describing some form of super carrot."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Please doctor, I've got to ask this. It sounds like, well, just as though you're describing some form of super carrot."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

From Dusk Till Dawn (1997) dir. Robert Rodriguez

Santanico Pandemonium: "I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be 'Spot'. Welcome to slavery."
Seth Gecko: "No thanks. I've already had a wife"

Happy Halloween!

Wishing you a very spooky All Hallow's Eve from all at Sick Puppy HQ.

Enjoy your evening. Us? We're off to see the "Creepshow"/"Meet The Feebles" Frightfest double-bill at the ICA in London. There's a rumour that Special FX Make-Up legend and character actor Mr. Tom Savini will be making a personal appearance. Here's hoping...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be 'Spot'. Welcome to slavery."
"No thanks. I've already had a wife"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) dir. Chuck Russell

William 'Will' Stanton: "In my dreams I can stand. My legs are strong. In my dreams I am the Wizard Master."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"In my dreams I can stand. My legs are strong. In my dreams I am the Wizard Master."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Oldboy (2003) dir. Chan-wook Park

Dae-su Oh: <"You asshole! I'm going to rip your whole body apart, and no one will be able to find it anywhere because I'm going to CHEW IT ALL DOWN!">

Robbie Video - In the can!

A more expansive blog to follow, but the big news is that we did it. The Robbie Williams music video for "The 80s" was shot in the early hours of Saturday morning on location in Limehouse London. I had quite an ambitious (and lengthy) shot list I wanted to get while the public location was still deserted. Thanks to sterling work from Simon Aitken and Graham Williams (no relation to Robbie) on cameras A & B, Sick Puppy Steve on music playback and production, Ania Gastol on Make up, and our stars Ashvin-Kumar Joshi and Laura Metcalfe; we were able to complete the shoot in a highly efficient two hours and thirty minutes. That breaks down as: one hour shooting, followed by a half hour costume and Make up change/crew break, followed by a final one hour of shooting.

Thanks also to our kind and generous hosts Keith and Loretta (and Logan), who let use their house as a production base - I hope we didn't disturb you too much.

I'm very tired now - but I have already completed the first rough edit of the music video. The speed FX I had in mind have worked very well, but there's still a lot of tweaking to be done. I just hope Rob is able to work his magic in the grade as some of the shots need a little help...

Behind the scenes pics to follow soon-ish.

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

<"You asshole! I'm going to rip your whole body apart, and no one will be able to find it anywhere because I'm going to CHEW IT ALL DOWN!">

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Color Me Blood Red (1965) dir. Herschell Gordon Lewis

Rolf: "Listen, pal, you'd be rude, too, if you saw your girl tied up, and a man with an axe in one hand and a bloody mess in the other. And a corpse outside there on the beach."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Listen, pal, you'd be rude, too, if you saw your girl tied up, and a man with an axe in one hand and a bloody mess in the other. And a corpse outside there on the beach."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Haunting (1963) dir. Robert Wise

Dr. John Markway: "It was an evil house from the beginning. A house that was born bad."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"It was an evil house from the beginning. A house that was born bad."

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Dog Soldiers (2002) dir. Neil Marshall

Sgt. Harry Wells: "We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch."

Robbie Video - Pre-Production Diary!

Saturday 21st October

03:22 - My phone rings and my eyes snap open (I was just resting them for a moment). It's veteran Sick Puppy Graham (who'll be camera operating): He's outside in the car with Sick Puppy producer Steve and fellow camera operator (and filmmaker in his own right) Simon. I grope my way out of bed and tell him I'll be right down. A couple of minutes later, I stagger out the front door rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Soon I'm in the car and we're off...

The plan is to scout the location at the same time of day we plan to shoot next week and do some camera tests. Graham and Simon have both brought their cameras as I want to do a two-camera shoot.

03.59 - We arrive at the location in Limehouse. It's pretty much as Steve described it to me; but seeing it under the location lighting conditions it's clear that I'm going to have to adjust my planned choreography. The footbridge is too dark, but the adjoining square is well lit with a couple of arches at either end I can use. Graham and Simon set up their cameras and I direct them to shoot a series of dry-runs for the shots I want in the finished video. I stand in for Ashvin (although my dancing skills aren't in the same league) and between us we work out what lit areas I have to work with.

04.25 - With the basic tests done, we lock up the camera equipment in the car and go for a walk around the area. It's very quiet and we don't see anyone else on the streets.

05.00 - Back to the location, and even one hour later there's still no real change in the ambient light. It won't be dawn for another two and a half hours. So the street/security lighting is all we have. That's fine for Simon's HDV camera, but Graham's more elderly DVCAM isn't happy with the low lighting conditions. We will bring a reflector for close-ups, but if possible I want to get a better B camera than Graham's.

To get an idea of length, I read through the lyrics as Simon and Graham track back with me. The first run-through doesn't work, so I alter the route and this take we get the timing right. I've got what I need so we're done here. Our two camera operators get dropped off at their homes, and Steve and I go up to Southgate.

10.00 - Ashvin (our Male Lead) comes round to Steve's house. Despite it being a religious holiday for him he's kindly agreed to come for a costume fitting this morning.

10.15 - We pick up Laura (our Female Lead) at Southgate tube station. She's also being fitted for her costume. Our appointment is for 10.30 so we should have plenty of time.

10.30 - I spoke too soon - we're currently stuck in traffic. Roadworks have reduced the road to a single lane and things are barely moving.

10.53 - We arrive at Masquerades of Barnet full of apologies for our lateness and meet the proprietor Lyn Brimson. She knows Steve but is confused as she doesn't have a record of our booking. It seems there was a mix-up and she thought our booking was for 10.30 yesterday. She says she could fit us in at noon. I check with Ashvin as I know he can't stay long. He makes a quick call and we're on for noon. In the meantime we return to Steve's where he burns a guide CD for Ashvin.

Noon(ish) - We get caught up in the traffic jam again but arrive in better time. Lyn has a real Aladdin's cave of costumes, accessories, shoes and wigs in a building behind her house.

Laura first: the theme is 80's, and I tell Lyn I want a early Madonna/Cindy Lauper look for Laura's character. Laura changes and it's almost what I pictured in my mind. The top and skirt are great, but the punkette accessories are wrong. We try out some different things until the complete look come together - black lace fingerless gloves, blonde wig, lace hair-tie, plastic earrings with Madonna style crosses around her neck. Lyn says Laura looks like Kim Wilde and she's right.

Now Ashvin's turn: I had envisaged a Miami Vice look for Ashvin, but Lyn doesn't have that available. I have a re-think and ask to see Adam Ant, and New Romantic outfits. Immediately it's clear that the Spandau Ballet/early Duran Duran style New Romantic outfit is the winner. Ashvin tries it on and when he comes out to show us he also wearing a blonde highlighted wig and a headband. It radically changes his face, and he looks good! Ashvin is clearly getting into character here and enjoying his reflection in the mirror. He remarks that there's also something quite Bollywood about this look, which I think is a good thing. We add boots to the outfit and an earring and he's ready.

We thank Lyn, and Steve organises the booking and payment details for the shoot. Soon we're off and Ashvin and Laura are on their way home. As for Steve and I, well I think a small celebratory drink is in order.

Next: I'm meeting up with Ashvin on Thursday to choreograph and rehearse the dance routine.

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972) dir. Bob Clark

Val: "Get out of the grave, Alan. Get out of the grave and let an artist show you how to call a curse down on Satan!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Get out of the grave, Alan. Get out of the grave and let an artist show you how to call a curse down on Satan!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Halloween (1978) dir. John Carpenter

Dr. Sam Loomis: "He's gone from here! The evil is gone!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"He's gone from here! The evil is gone!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Frankenhooker (1990) dir. Frank Henenlotter

Newscaster: "In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad...a salad that police are still trying to gather up...a salad that was once named Elizabeth."

Cast for Robbie Williams music video - now confirmed

Laura Metcalfe

Ashvin Kumar Joshi

Sick Puppy Films are proud to announce the cast for our upcoming music video for the Robbie Williams track - the '80s. Playing the male lead will be Ashvin Kumar Joshi, star of "Kareem's Vengeance" and TV work including "New Tricks" and "Holby City". Ashvin will also be collaborating with me on the dance choreography. Also, I'm very glad to say that Laura Metcalfe (Jane Lamb in "Snatching Time") will be rejoining the Sick Puppy fold as our female lead. Further updates to follow...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad...a salad that police are still trying to gather up...a salad that was once named Elizabeth."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Killing (1956) dir. Stanley Kubrick

Johnny Clay: "Alright sister, that's a mighty pretty head you got on your shoulders. You want to keep it there or start carrying it around in your hands?"
Sherry Peatty: "Maybe we could compromise and put it on your shoulder. I think that'd be nice, don't you?"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Alright sister, that's a mighty pretty head you got on your shoulders. You want to keep it there or start carrying it around in your hands?"
"Maybe we could compromise and put it on your shoulder. I think that'd be nice, don't you?"

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) dir. Don Coscarelli

Elvis: "Even a big bitch cockroach like you should know...never, but never, f*ck with the King."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Even a big bitch cockroach like you should know...never, but never, f*ck with the King."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Beetlejuice (1988) dir. Tim Burton

Delia: "Open this door you dead people or we'll bust it down and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!"

Robbie Williams to get Sick Puppy makeover!

We are entering the following Robbie Williams competition - I have a suitably fun/sick concept and will be directing the video with Steve producing and weaving his usual audio magic...

We are meeting either tonight or early tomorrow to sort out the details. Fancy entering yourself? Check out the details below:

"WE ARE DELIGHTED TO ANNOUNCE that to mark the release of his new album 'Rudebox' the irrepressible Robbie Williams has been collaborating with a diversity of filmmakers to create original film work around his new tracks.

AND NOW, in association with Shooting People and robbiewilliams.com, he is inviting independent filmmakers everywhere to download his album track - The 80's - and upload a short film or innovative music video for it.The winner, chosen by him and other film and music industry folk, will win a £7,500 prize. There is a further £7,500 prize for the video you vote the best. Play the track now. Enter before November 13th."

More information on the site..
http://www.robbiewilliams.com/rudeboxshorts

or via
http://shootingpeople.org

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Open this door you dead people or we'll bust it down and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Glen Or Glenda (1953) dir. Edward D. Wood Jnr.

Scientist: "Beware! Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys. Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS. Beware...take care...beware!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Beware! Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys. Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS. Beware...take care...beware!"

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

City Of The Living Dead [Paura Nella Città Dei Morti Viventi - Italy] (1980) dir. Lucio Fulci

Gravedigger: "You'll end up a dirty old man reading that stuff. A pervert. A peeping tom. I saw a porno flick once. This fellow in the audience got so carried away, he humped himself to death."
Blonde Gravedigger: "Yeah, but what a way to go."

Quarantine now over - 'normal' service resumed

After a few days living up to the 'sick' part of the Sick Puppy monicker, I'm back at work to help (infect) my colleagues. Still not 100%, but I'll be okay - it's just a fleshwound...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You'll end up a dirty old man reading that stuff. A pervert. A peeping tom. I saw a porno flick once. This fellow in the audience got so carried away, he humped himself to death."
"Yeah, but what a way to go."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Battle Royale [Batoru Rowaiaru - Japan] (2000) dir. Kinji Fukasaku

Teacher Kitano: <"I go into class, you guys look like a pile of potatoes. Slapping them around helped me tell them apart, even got to like them. But now not anymore. Now you touch a student, you're fired. Can't even lose it when a student stabs you!">

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

<"I go into class, you guys look like a pile of potatoes. Slapping them around helped me tell them apart, even got to like them. But now not anymore. Now you touch a student, you're fired. Can't even lose it when a student stabs you!">

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Devils (1971) dir. Ken Russell

Ibert: "Lucky little bastard! It's not every day Baby sees Daddy burn to death."

Sick Puppy Films - New Projects announced!

Following the latest Sick Puppy Films meeting, we can announce the following:

1) A new short horror film - "The Long Dark", an experiment in terror from the fevered mind of Sick Puppy Stephen Cartwright - goes into production this weekend.

2) A new feature length horror film project (working title: Sick Puppy Feature #1) is in development, with plans to shoot it in January/February 2007. More details to follow...

3) Sick Puppy Feature #1 will now be the first feature film from Sick Puppy Films. Other feature projects currently in development are "Roleslay", "Snatching Time: The Movie" and "L.D.G". These projects are all budgeted in the low-mid budget range which is why we have decided to concentrate on the no-low budget Sick Puppy Feature #1. The other reason for postponing the production of "Roleslay" was the increased number of FX shots now required for the film.

4) Sick Puppy Films will soon be making short films by me (Clive Ashenden) and Rob Wickings available for download via the YouTube website, including "Snatching Time" and "Four Lies".

5) The Sick Puppy Films website will be undergoing a radical redesign to incorporate the latest Sick Puppy news and projects. If you have any suggestions as to how we can improve our website please post a comment or contact us here.

6) Finally, all three founding Sick Puppies - me, Rob and Steve - will be attending both of the upcoming Halloween Frightfest events at London's ICA cinema. That's the retro double bill of "Creepshow" and "Meet The Feebles" on Tuesday October 31st (tickets £12), and the Frightfest All Nighter on Saturday November 4th (tickets £35). So if you're going - say hello! We'll be the ones with the Sick Puppy T-shirts and the evil grins...

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Lucky little bastard! It's not every day Baby sees Daddy burn to death."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Q: The Winged Serpent (1982) dir. Larry Cohen

Sergeant Powell: "Well, if you think that's weird - yesterday we had a window washer whose head just...floated away like a balloon."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Well, if you think that's weird - yesterday we had a window washer whose head just...floated away like a balloon."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Creepshow (1982) dir. George A. Romero

Wilma Northup: "You know what Henry, you're a regular barnyard exhibit - your sheep's eyes, chicken guts, piggy friends and sh*t for brains!"

Sick Puppies...Reloaded

Big Sick Puppy Films meeting tonight with me, Rob and Steve.

Things have been on pause at Sick Puppy HQ for a bit while individual puppies worked on solo projects, got married, went on holiday, sorted out family stuff or did all of the above. But now we're back and it's time to get things moving again. Expect an announcement soon!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You know what Henry, you're a regular barnyard exhibit - your sheep's eyes, chicken guts, piggy friends and sh*t for brains!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Stir of Echoes (1999) dir. David Koepp

Lisa: "It doesn't surprise me that there's another woman. Of course, the fact that she's dead gives one pause."

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"It doesn't surprise me that there's another woman. Of course, the fact that she's dead gives one pause."

[answer Monday]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

From Beyond (1986) dir. Stuart Gordon

Crawford Tillinghast: "It ate him - bit off his head...like a gingerbread man!

Diary Of A Bad Lad - coming to UK cinemas in 2007

Jonathan Williams as Producer 'Barry Lick' in "Diary Of A Bad Lad"

image courtesy of Pleased Sheep Productions

Congratulations to Sick Puppy friends Michael Booth (director) and Paul Gordon (D.O.P) on the news that their low-no budget UK indie film "Diary Of A Bad Lad" has been picked for UK distribution by Wysiwyg. You can see this tale of a desperate documentary filmmaker and the depths of depravity he's willing to sink to in order to get his film made, in early 2007. I met these two flan-loving reprobates at this year's Cannes Film Festival and I'm pleased to hear that things are going well for them. Aside from the completed "Diary Of A Bad Lad" they've also got another feature which they're shooting now - "Bar Stewards".

Check out both the film's website and also the Pleased Sheep Productions website for further updates and more details. Also - why not watch the trailer - here.

I-Mockery.com's Halloween Grab Bag - Halloween Candy Alternatives!

It's a little early, but it's important to start planning for that Sick Puppy time of the season early!
Clive has already promised that he'll be doing No. 24 this year. Now THERE's an image!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"It ate him - bit off his head...like a gingerbread man!

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Bulldog Drummond (1929) dir. F. Richard Jones

Colonel: "Pah! The eternal din in this club is an outrage! I ask you, wot?"
Algy Longworth: "You're perfectly right, Colonel. We ought to complain. Do you know that's the third spoon I've heard drop this month?"
Bulldog Drummond: "Spoons, my hat. I wish that somebody would throw a bomb and wake the place up."

The Sick Puppy Films website is...back online

After much screaming, wailing, and pleading to be released from the thumbscrews, those lovely IT people have fixed the Sick Puppy Films website. So - don't let their suffering be in vain - enjoy!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"Pah! The eternal din in this club is an outrage! I ask you, wot?"
"You're perfectly right, Colonel. We ought to complain. Do you know that's the third spoon I've heard drop this month?"
"Spoons, my hat. I wish that somebody would throw a bomb and wake the place up."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Dead Man's Shoes (2004) dir. Shane Meadows

Richard: "You, you were supposed to be a monster - now I'm the f**king beast. There's blood on my hands, from what you made me do."

The Sick Puppy Films website is...sick

Our website: www.sickpuppyfilms.net is currently unavailable.

At this very second highly trained IT operators are working around the clock to get normal service resumed (well actually they're being tortured in the Sick Puppy dungeon until they get it working again, but the effect will be the same...).

Sick Puppy Clive


PS. This is my 100th post on blogger - do I get a special badge? Or a telegram from the Blog Queen?

PPS. I will complete my Frightfest 2006 reports in time, but due to work pressures the Frightfest stuff may have wait for a bit. But keep checking back as I will finish before the next Frightfest event - this Halloween.

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"You, you were supposed to be a monster - now I'm the f**king beast. There's blood on my hands, from what you made me do."

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Jaws: The Revenge (1987) dir: Joseph Sargent

Michael Brody: "I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy."

Welcome Back - Sick Puppy Steve!

To welcome back Steve from his honeymoon, we present:

Wedding Photos - Sick Puppy style!

Q. It's your wedding - you are the groom, and you and your best man Keith are pimped out in the best P.Diddy style gear complete with matching canes - what do you do?

A. Stage a mock light sabre duel of course!

Eeee...the force is strong in this 'n'.

Your powers have grown weak old man...

Keith: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your brother-in-law.

Steve: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

Keith: No. *I* am your brother-in-law.

Steve: No. No. That's not true. That's impossible.

Keith: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Steve: Nooooo! Nooooo!

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy."

[answer tomorrow]


Friday's Quote Of The Day was from:

Saw (2004) dir. James Wan

Dr. Lawrence Gordon: "He doesn't want us to cut through our chains! He wants us to cut through our feet!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"He doesn't want us to cut through our chains! He wants us to cut through our feet!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Revenge of Frankenstein (1958) dir. Terence Fisher

Legless Patient: "How can I do me dance without me legs?"
Slensky: "Got to learn to sing!"

Sick Puppy's Quote Of The Day

"How can I do me dance without me legs?"
"Got to learn to sing!"

[answer tomorrow]


Yesterday's Quote Of The Day was from:

The Terminator (1984) dir. James Cameron

Reece: "You still don't get it, do you? He'll find her. That's what he does. That's all he does! You can't stop him. He'll wade through you, reach down her throat, and pull her f**king heart out."

Frightfest Report #6

The Zone Horror Frightfest 2006

Saturday 26th August - Day Two - Afternoon

Back to the Odeon West End and it's time to meet up with a friend, fellow writer Frances Lynn (whose novel "Frantic" is out in paperback now). After saying our hellos, Frances collects her ticket and we move quickly into the cinema. Steve is very keen not to miss anything as apart from the "Snatching Time"/"Broken" screening tomorrow this will be the only Frightfest film he can make this year. Also, now we've both met "The Marsh" director Jordan Barker we're curious as to what his film will be like.

The only bad thing about the Frightfest filmmakers' networking lunch was that it necessitated missing both Nicholas Rucka's short "Out Of The Darkness" and the brilliantly titled "Earthings: Ugly Bags Of Mostly Water". Alexandre O. Philippe's documentary about the Klingon sub-set of Star Trek fans was certainly an interesting programming choice. It is probably the Frightfest 2006 film that's furthest away from the festival's core horror content.

It seems my neighbours share this opinion, as when I canvass their thoughts on "Earthings..." I find they all chose to give it a miss. Given that the Frightfest Forum gang were apparently off celebrating the birthday of one of their number it must have been a pretty de-populated screening. However, as "Earthlings..." is getting a UK cinema release and has already generated a fair amount of press, one underattended preview screening shouldn't damage its prospects.

Before "The Marsh", there is a screening of the ten finalists of the 2006 Zone Horror Cut! short film competition. I've already seen the top three films (which screened before "Severance"), but now's a chance to watch the others. Also, when the winner got his cheque on Thursday, the Zone Horror guy neglected to actually read out the name of the winning film, so I was left wondering which of the three won. Turns out it was "Kasting" - a deserving winner.

2006 Zone Horror Cut! short film competition finalists

10) "Hammer Falls", dir. Andrew Brady

9) "Torn Flesh" dir. Martin Bennett

8) "The Silent Scream" dir. Neil Thornton

7) "Natural Birthing" dir. Lawrence Axe and Slade Lamey

6) "A Very Grimm Fairytale" dir. Jahari

5) "The Collector" dir. Steve Simmons

4) "Plastic Reality (Curta Versao)" dir. Doctor Versluis

3) "The Fall Down" dir. Jake Kennedy

2) "Dead Wood" dir. David Bryant, Sebastian Smith and Richard Stiles

1) "Kasting" dir. Alyosha Saari

Apart from "Kasting" (which again demonstrated that often it's the simplest ideas that work the best) I enjoyed "Natural Birthing", "A Very Grimm Fairy Tale", "The Fall Down" and "Dead Wood" the most .

"Natural Birthing" had a nice voyeuristic creepiness to it, "A Very Grimm Fairy Tale" was blackly comic (although I did wonder about the possible psychological damage to its child star) and "The Fall Down" played like an extended movie trailer (maybe that's what it is - I don't know) and was very slickly done. "Dead Wood" wins the Sick Puppy prize for best end punchline, which elevated it above its clearly very low budget production values. I understand the "Dead Wood" creators are planning to expand it to a feature, so I wish them the best of luck.

I'm left feeling thankful that my short film "Snatching Time" won't be lost in a crowd of nine other films. After waiting patiently, Jordan Barker finally gets to introduce "The Marsh" and his background as a performer is very apparent. He's very relaxed and assured, especially given that his star Gabrielle Anwar (who was due to appear with him) wasn't able to make it. I hope I'm even one-tenth as relaxed when I introduce "Snatching Time" tomorrow".

"The Marsh" (2006) dir. Jordan Barker

[some spoilers]

Successful but mentally frail children's author Claire Holloway (Gabrielle Anwar) is plagued by nightmares involving a dead girl. She decides to go somewhere quiet where she can rest and work on her next book in peace. The small Canadian town of Marshville seems ideal, but once she's moved into her house on the edge of the marsh she starts getting deja vu - this is the house from her nightmares. Soon she's experiencing a full blown haunting. Rather than run away, she turns to local psychic Geoffrey Hunt (Forest Whitaker) for help in solving the supernatural mystery.

This is a real old school haunted house flick of the sort that the Hollywood studios still crank out every two or three years. It's a sub-genre which has stayed pretty much the same since the 1980s. When it's done well and with a good writer to twist the formula, you can get excellent results eg. David Koepp & Richard Matheson's work on "Stir Of Echoes". However, there is a danger of producing pedestrian or turgid retreads (see "The Haunting" remake (1999) - or rather don't, it's terrible) that make it seem like a very tired old chestnut indeed.

Sadly, "The Marsh" doesn't have any new toys to bring to the party. It is very slickly directed by Jordan Barker, but his style is somewhat anonymous. The CGI effects are well done and the actors (Forest Whitaker in particular) acquit themselves well enough. However, I watched this well crafted film with an increasing sense of having seen this all before. There is very little in here to surprise or shock, it is too smooth a ride for that. The only attempt at adding something new is the "Ju-On: The Grudge" style rules for the ghosts which means they can roam the marsh and the town at will rather than being restricted to the house. But the seemingly endless series of "Ju-On: The Grudge" sequels, remakes and remakes of sequels (or is it sequels of remakes?) have rather sucked the novelty out of these rules.

Now these would be minor quibbles if the traditional story of "The Marsh" worked. Unfortunately, it is hamstrung by one major problem - at no point in the story did I believe that Gabrielle Anwar's character was in danger of dying. Without that threat of death, there is no suspense and crucially no fear - this film is not scary. The story works well enough on a mystery level, but without that threat of death it's all so much puzzle-solving. Intellectually satisfying perhaps, but there's no emotional charge and no visceral thrills. This is horror on it's best behaviour: hair carefully parted and with a nice apple for teacher.

It may seem churlish to complain about an adequate chiller when we are subjected to so many dire remakes and sequels every year, but "The Marsh" just didn't do it for me. I didn't hate it, it was just disappointingly average. In the interest of balance though, it should be noted that Steve really enjoyed "The Marsh". So much so that he insisted on having his picture taken with Jordan (which you can see here).

After the screening I pick up my goodie bag and catch up with Frances in the bar to discuss the television series "Candy" she's writing with Stephen Lavers. Soon it's time for Steve and Frances to go and it's back to the cinema grindstone for me.

Next: WWE wrestler Kane shows off his 'acting chops' and don't call it "Open Water 2"...